i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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