I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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