How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
