Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
