I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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