Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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