i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So many bounce houses so little time
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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