Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
