I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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