You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
