I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
