Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
