Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
