if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You made out with two different species that night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
