Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
