why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
