that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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