If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got inside last night via doggy door
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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