It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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