Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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