if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
