I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
