it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
