do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
