There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My ass is underappreciated
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
