Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
