I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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