i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
