You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
