NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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