Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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