so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
