Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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