If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This girl is more easily done than said...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
