Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
