porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
