I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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