your thong is hanging out like whoa
how can u be prego again
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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