Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
