I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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