the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
