Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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