she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
