she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
