There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
