____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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