there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
