got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
