Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
