if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
handjob tips. give me some.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
